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08-Feb-2018 01:08 by 9 Comments

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I’ve been working so haven’t had alot of time to chat to family etc, which usually keeps me grounded to a point.Also, because my husband has gigged so much, when he is here, he’s either sleeping or suffering from tired-induced nagginess, which has always been an issue. I’ve voiced my feelings, particularly the second mindset, because that is the predominant one…

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Today, when I was in a perfectly good mood, I suddenly saw a ‘movie’ of my husband nodding in answer to me asking “are you leaving me? and I completely understand and believe that if he could go back and erase the entire affair he would. but I seriously doubt that’ll ever happen., and he came in tired and grumpy.

I feel like he’s just taking the piss out of me and is probably up to something and laughing behind my back.

I have an overwhelming urge to hurt him, teach him a lesson… I love him so much, and I feel like he is falling out of love with me…

I was waiting for affection, and instead I got snapped at – which made me cry. My husband and I were chatting about the way everything still feels raw and painful, and how terrified I still feel that he will do this again.

Then, because I was sobbing and I didn’t want my husband to know, I went to sleep in the spare room. It’s not a conversation we’ve never had – we have it alot, but for some reason in the middle of it, my husband said; I flipped. My world crumbled once again, as I understood his words to mean that he’d had enough of me trying to deal.

I expect his feelings of remorse to fade, and for him to forget how damaging it was… Like he’ll think I’m over it, and so So I’ve realised I don’t need to do this. It is possible for a spouse to really not know the person they are married to.

and so in a way I think I have been trying to keep our marriage in a state where we are in recovery. The only way to move on, I feel, is to believe what I’ve known of my husband for close to 13 years. Course, the memory of it won’t necessarily stop him doing it again, but I with any luck it will.

He came in briefly, but when I asked him to leave me alone he did. A row followed, and along the way it came out that he said those things because he was feeling insecure about me being able to get over this, and be happy…

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