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08-Feb-2018 11:42 by 5 Comments

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This app measures how well you perform during sex and gives you a rating from 0-10, ten being the highest, zero being very depressing.Using the microphone and ‘accelerometer’ to determine an accurate score, the app claims “All you have to do is start the application, put your i Phone on the bed, in an arm band, or even in your pocket and have intercourse, it is as easy as that.

Simply choose which of your friends you want the site to send you notifications about when there’s a change in their relationship status.

They have to have Platewave too, but that’s hardly the only boundary to finding love with this app.

The main one being that you’re probably a fucking eagle-eyed psychopath to use it in the first place.

The website markets itself as “dating, done for you” and promises to land you eight dates per month, depending on how much you’re willing to fork out for the service.

A basic ‘Weekend Cassanova’ membership costs £225 per month, or you can splash out on the top level ‘International Playboy’ profile costing a mere £903 per month.

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Want to ruin someone else’s relationship without the messy business of actually getting involved?

You want to use Tinder, but you’re too busy, and you’re loaded (it is the perfect time of year for it with revision and student loans…). Aimed at rich single men with little free time to spare, Personal Dating Assistants provides an online profile management and ghostwriting service for dating profiles.

A bit like how Jordan writes all her books, but for sex.

Once you are finished, press the stop button and view your results.” Romantic.

Then you can go online afterwards and see how well you did against the rest of the world – who needs pillow talk anyway?

Check out some of the worst and weirdest dating and sex apps out there – for when OKCupid just isn’t going to cut it.